I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
He shit in the fireplace
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
