so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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