I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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