i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
