So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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