At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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