Heybabeimwearingurpanties
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
