Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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