Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
