And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
