Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
