break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
