This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Randomize
