I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
