Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
