Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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