Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize