Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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