Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
