we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
