Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
