You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
