If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
