Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I want to fling myself into the sun
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Randomize
