he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
