I murdered the dance floor call the cops
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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