i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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