u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
