Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
