I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
