your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
