so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
