I think i peed on brittanys purse
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
