i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
