hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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