I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
