Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
