you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize