and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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