ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
