sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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