Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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