Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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