You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
