Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
