we have officially mastered the walk of shame
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize