I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
