hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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