youre lurking in front of me
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
