An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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