Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
