last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
