i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
