People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
