I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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