Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize
