whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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