i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
