You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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