i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
