I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I'm like, not good at living.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
