If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Randomize
