You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
