i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Found your dick twin last night
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
We were destined to go to rehab together
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
