Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Randomize
