next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
