Ketchup is God's man juice
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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