We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I just want nice things and good sex
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
