I have demons in me.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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