you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
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