Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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