Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
The Olympian is in my bed
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
