i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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