Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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