Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
