Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
