Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
