I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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