I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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