Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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