it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
