Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
