i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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