im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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