Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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