How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize