you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
