I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
